Coalescence of Conspicuous Feelings

I have seen the pain in you. The way you sat on your toes overwrought. Sweat on your forehead making a way out and mixing with drop of tear on your red puffy cheek.
The face was dull and languorously dropped.  Your soul was hurt, you eye was red full of water, face had no expression. You tried to falsify. I saw you, staring something meaningless something unrelated. I was sure you were dwelling in your past, your magnificent past, past which was unrivaled. But Now I know of it all.
I know you tried hard to hide but I now time is gone and you are gone.

I still remember you said to me, what you had compromised with your life all way along. I remember you said you don’t want to die but had no options left with as pain of love was taking a lead, taking your soul, snatching it from you.
I can recollect you told me once, some kind of poetry…”I burned candles along with my fingers”. I couldn’t understand it that time but I knew what you meant.
You did try to fool me. But something is lost and unattainable.
I know you tried hard to hide but I know… now time is gone and you are gone too

“sans lena bhi kaisi aadat hai
jiye jana bhi kya ravayat hai
koi aahat nahi badan mein kaheen
koi saya nahi hai aankhon mein
panv behas hain, chalte jate hain (Panv-body.behas-behosh)
ik safar hai jo bahata rehta hai
kitne barason se, kitni sadiyon se
jiye jate hain, jiye jate hain
aadaten bhi ajeeb hoti hain”

Smoke was in air as it was densely coming from cigarette held in you fingers. You had two remaining puffs burning your fingers. You were lost. You felt no pain. In no time it was clear as u cupped your chin with left hand with head down in remorse.
Room was silent. Dark was falling outside. The ghazal you were listing had changed with other one “Kabhi Yu Bhi Toh Ho” of Jagjit Singh. I was sitting on the chair silent 9’o clock to you. Looking at you, you were calm and sad. You were shivering but refused to take the blanket. I remember I looked in your eyes and you were pretentiously facetious. There was a lot in your eyes which u somehow tried to keep me far with I know you tried hard to hide but I saw it…
this was the time and this is the time where I know you tried hard to hide but I know… now time is gone and you are gone too.

“Din kuch aise guzarata hai koi
jaise ehsaan utarata hai koi
aaina dekh ke tasalli hui
hum ko is ghar mein janata hai koi
pak gaya hai shazar pe phal shayad ( shazar means tree)
phir se pathar uchalata hai koi
phir nazar mein lahu ke chinte hain
tum ko shayad mugaalta hai koi (Mugaalta means confusion.)
der se gunjaten hain sannate
jaise hum ko pukarata hai koi”

You said once, you were one-o-one with your life. Life asked you some questions and you answered helplessly. I remember you said what life asked to you.
Life asked you... Why are you so lonely when so many people are around you?
Life asked you… What is pain? Why are you so sad when you have so many people who are happy and jubilant around you?
You replied life as said. It is all love and pain which made me this different from others and you are hurt too along me.
Life mocked you and said. I am you and you being me. We are platonic. So, don’t hurt me.

“Ik roz zindagi ke robaroo aa bethe
zindagi ne poocha..dard kya he,kyu hota he,kha hota he yeh bhi toh pata nahi chalta?
tanhai kya he aakhir.itne log toh he fir tanha kyu ho.?
mera chehra dekh kar zindagi nei bola..
mein tumhari  judva hu..mujse naaraz na huva karo..”

I remember you used to say about the life as it is beautiful, calm and always surprising but don’t know why you wanted to die.
I know you tried hard to hide but I know… now time is gone and you are gone too.